Elwood's Birth Story

Our blog is changing from a travel blog to a more of a life blog.  Elwood coming into our lives has been the single most amazing, important, and beautiful thing either one of us has every experienced.  It is what our life is right now.  Soon, El will be traveling with us experiencing new places and people, and we will share that when the time comes.  And although he wont remember, these experiences will influence his outlooks on life and the man he will eventually become.  However, our days as of now are filled with nursing, napping, diaper changing, cuddling, and staring at this beautiful child that Conor and I created.  We couldn't be happier.  Our life has forever changed in the most positive way possible.  I want to share the story of Elwood's birth for me so I can remember all the wonderful details, and for the people in my life that care to know about it.  So, this is the story of Elwood's birth, full of lots of details and probably run-on sentences.  Please skip if you are not interested.  

A laboring Meg-O on the way to the hospital

And her support team

        On March 15 at around 1am, I woke up to the sound of Penny low growling at something, nothing, who knows.  But her growl pulled me out of my deep sleep enough to lean up and look in the direction of her growling.  That's when I felt a very distinctive, "pop." It was such a clear "pop" feeling that I felt like I almost heard it.  Was that my water breaking? No, it can't be.  Elwood must have just kicked me hard in the cervix or something.  It can't possibly have been my water breaking, it's three weeks before my due date.  I got up to use the bathroom, just to clear my mind of the small chance that it was my water breaking.  Plus I need to pee about every hour so I was due to waddle myself to the bathroom anyway.  I started to feel some trickling down my legs before I even got to the toilet where the dripping sound confirmed what my mind was trying to not believe.  

       "Conor?" I called.  pause.  Nothing.  "Conor? I think my water just broke." A sleepy eyed Conor appeared in the doorway of the bathroom in about 4 seconds.  "Really, are you sure?" he asked.  Drip. Drip. Drip. "Yes, I am sure." Conor then walks away from the doorway (perhaps to let the news sink in?) and I was left to my own thoughts.   

        I have to be honest here, sitting on the toilet, hearing what was clear evidence that my water had broken, I had a wave of, well, what can only be described as panic.  I thought, this was not how this was suppose to happen.  This is my first baby, I am suppose to be fat and crabby, eating spicy meals three times a day, walking miles a day up the mountains, 41 1/2 weeks pregnant, begging the universe to let me start feeling some cramping, erratic contractions at least 15 minutes apart, a total of 37 hours of labor, real first time mama stuff.  But this? My water breaking at 37 weeks, no contractions to be felt (and I was REALLY trying to feel something).  I didn't even have time to be "over being pregnant." I still felt great, not even that uncomfortable! This is how my labor is starting? I don't even have my bags packed! Am I ready? More importantly,  Is my baby ready? Is this too early? Oh God,  Drip. . . Drip. . . Drip. As my amniotic fluid was leaving my pregnant, now naked body, sitting on a toilet in our small cabin in Panama, I thought, Is all of  this ok?   

       I walked out of the bathroom and looked at Con.  He must have seen the leftover panic on my face because he just looked at me and said, "You need to pull it together."  I told him, "I know, I am going to take a shower and pull myself together, I just want to tell you that this isn't really how I pictured everything "going down" so to speak and I was a little nervous about it."  He then told me he loved me and that our baby has decided to come now, my plan be damned.  He told me I can do this and then helped me into the shower where I successfully pulled my shit together.  In the shower I rubbed my big belly and felt for Elwood's constants in my life, his feet and butt (feet to my left and butt to my right).  I told him I was so excited to meet him, that I loved him so much, and today I was going to be my most strongest self, not for me and "my plan" but for him, to bring him into this world as strongly and safely as I possibly could.  I then allowed myself to get excited. . . I was going to meet my baby!!! I have been waiting for so long for this day!  Yes, I thought I was going to have to wait longer but here it was, TODAY, my baby was going to come into this world.  

        I stepped out of the shower with a re-newed sense of self.  I could tell Conor was relieved at the strong, confident Meg that came out of the shower, ready to meet our baby! For almost 7 months I have been listening to self hypnosis CD's to help prepare me, mentally, to have a positive, calm, natural birth for my baby.  Con suggested that because I wasn't having any contractions that maybe I should try to get some sleep.  I agreed.  I put my head phones on, put on my hypnobabies CD and laid next to Conor in our bed, hoping that I could actually get some rest because I knew I had a tough road ahead of me.  Conor was doing some last minute assigned reading of how to be a supportive and helpful partner to a self hypnotized mother-to-be while she is in labor.  His reading assignments had been dogged tagged for over a week, but like I said, we both were expecting this day to be a little farther away.  As I lay in our bed, visualizing relaxation, peace, serenity through out my whole body, I realized I was feeling some cramping.  Not much, something I probably would have ignored if I didn't just have my water break and was anticipating and hoping for something to start happening.  After a few of these crampy sessions I mentioned to Conor that I think I might be having contractions.  I said let me tell you when I think I am having them and you tell me how far apart they are.  He agreed, as he was reading about how only 10% of women have their water break before starting contractions and most contractions start around 15 minutes apart.  We started timing. . . 5 minutes apart.  Wha?? Ok, well nothing else is going how I thought it would, so this is fitting right in.  I am going to roll with this.  The contractions were not bad at all, like stomach cramps.  As I lay there, breathing peace through out my body as I listened to the hypnotic prompts through my headphones, I heard Conor say, "Honey, there isn't enough gas in the van to get us to David."

        One of the main reason we bought this van was to get us to and from the hospital for appointments and for THE BIG DAY.  And now, that day is here and we might not be able to use the van,  we felt like morons!  It was 1am, we weren't sure we could even get gas.  We decided to wait and see how my contractions progressed and then make a decision of when we should try to get gas. At about 3am, the contractions were getting more intense and slightly closer together so Con decided to go look and see if any gas stations were open while I stayed at our place to relax.  Con drove to all of the gas stations in Boquete and the last one he came to had one gas pump on but no lights on in the store.  As Con was contemplating leaving money and just filling the tank and leaving, a sleepy eyed attendant comes out from the back of the store and fills our tank.  Phew!

        Conor came back with the good news while I was still listening to my hypnosis CD's and breathing through the contractions.  I felt so good that I decided to save the CD's for later and just hang out with Conor.  He played me some guitar and packed our bags as I just quietly bowed my head and breathed through the contractions when they occurred.  I was able to talk and laugh with Con in between contractions.  At around 6am, the contractions were about 3-31/2 minutes apart and getting stronger.  I definitely could not talk while I was having one, but felt great in between them.  We decided because things seemed to be progressing faster than we anticipated and we had an hour drive to the hospital we should leave soon.  Con loaded the car with our now packed bags, the excited dogs, and his preggo wife.  

        The ride to the hospital was ok.  I just closed my eyes and breathed peace through out my body during the contractions.  Conor called my doctor on the way and he told us to meet him at his office when we arrived as he was already there.  We arrived at the hospital and my contractions were about 2 minutes apart.  Dr. Guerra checked me, stated I was 4-5cm.  He did a quick ultrasound and told me the baby looks great and that I was going to have a baby in the next few hours.  In the next few hours? Please, I thought, I have at least a whole day of labor ahead of me.  During my last few appointments, Dr. Guerra also told us that Elwood was measuring about a week farther along than what my dates were saying and my body was showing signs of preparing for labor.  My doc had predicted that Elwood would be born before the end of March and would weigh about six pounds.  Conor and I both had rolled our eyes at his prediction.  Puh-lease, I thought, I am going to be past due and have a chunky American style baby.  My doc was right about his date prediction so optimistically I hoped he was right about today and I would meet my son in two hours but I just couldn't let go of the thought that I would be in labor all day.   

        Dr. Guerra walked us over to the Labor & Delivery section of the hospital and checked us in.  I was put in a simple labor room with two adorable, 50 something plump Hispanic women.  They fussed about me, changed my clothes for me, whispered soothing phrases in Spanish, and breathed with me when I breathed.  Conor set up my hypnobabies CD to help me concentrate on breathing anesthesia through out my body, which I was needing at this point.  The contractions were coming faster and more intense.  I did not want to get into bed.  My smiling, breathing helpers put the bed up to about chest high and I put my arms and head on it and swayed in a wide stance with each contraction, which seemed to be the best position for me.  I LOVE to be rubbed and one part of labor that I thought I was going to enjoy to the fullest was having my back, feet, neck, whatever I needed to be rubbed for hours by my loving husband.  I did NOT want to touched, let alone rubbed.  I just wanted to shut down into myself, focus only on what I was experiencing at that moment and just breath peaceful energy into my body.  

        My nurse came in and Con answered some questions for me.  The nurse knew I was a first time mama and she wanted to get the paperwork done and then possibly check me again, monitor my contractions, etc.   After Con answered the basic questions, the nurse told him to go outside and fill out some paperwork to check me into the hospital.  I was barely hearing any of what was going on, but the nurse put the monitor on and I could clearly hear Elwood's heart beating strong and healthy-music to my ears.

        What I was feeling I wouldn't describe as pain.  Pain to me is when you bang your toe so damn hard a sharp stabbing feeling shoots through your foot, your brain acknowledges the sensation as pain and then the feeling subsides.  What I was experiencing was an energy; waves of it rushing over and through my body.  It was intense in an all consuming way, but not in the same category as pain.  Perhaps because I knew that all of this was bringing my baby into the world that my brain just wouldn't translate it into pain.  Whatever the case, I now understand why women have a hard time describing what labor feels like.    

        While Conor was gone, my contractions were coming faster and harder and all my energy was turned in, focusing on staying relaxed.  What I was experiencing was intense and I wanted Conor's strength near me but I couldn't even express that to the nurse, all I could do was close my eyes and breath and sway with the contractions.  A thought came to me in between contractions.  I was told that when a woman is at 7-8cm, that is when she thinks she can't do it anymore, that the pain is too intense to handle.   I was using all  my hypnobaby techniques.  I was breathing peace to my body, releasing my fears, embracing the pressure, going to my special place, turning my light switch off, reminding myself to be strong for my baby. . . but a little part of me was thinking, Wow, this is how I feel and I am only at 4-5cm?, am I going to be able to do this?!  As this doubt filled thought came into my mind, I made a conscience decision to push it back out again.  I CAN DO THIS I thought to myself.  I was definitely feeling more than "a big warm hug" or "pleasant discomfort, only pressure not pain"  that hypnobaby moms describe their labor as.  What I was experiencing was intense waves crashing over my body, encompassing my whole self.  My body and my mind shut down to only the most basic levels, all I could do was breath.  It was a spiritual, primative, exhilirating, mind altering intense energy that was surging through body.  I started to say to myself  "I can handle this, for my baby I can do this" and I repeated this quietly to myself as I let my doubts fade from my mind.  Then I got a contraction that rocked my body, I just told myself to breath, in and out, this one too will pass.  Just as it was finishing peaking, I felt a huge drop in my body.  Then all of the sudden, I needed TO PUSH.  In between breathing deeply, I managed to quietly breathe out to my nurse, I.  need.  to.  push.  Her face had disbelief and alarm on it, as we were the only two people in the room at the moment.  My nurse told me to get into bed, which I did, she checked me, I looked at her, and asked, how far along am I? Her face told me what I already knew: complete.  She rushed over to a phone, frantically spoke some spanish, I heard the word, "doctor" and "now."  My body wanted to push so much but we were missing some key players, Conor and my doctor.  I asked several times, in what I think was a calm, nice voice and in spanish no less  "please, where is my husband?, please."  A kind, pretty woman rushed in and started getting instruments together.  She also checked me, confirming that Elwood was very excited to be born. (I found out after delivery that she was a mid wife and she was called in because they didn't think Dr. Guerra would make it to catch the baby.)    

        The next person to burst into the room was, thank goodness, Conor! (I would later find out that he was in admissions signing papers when a woman in heels came frantically running down the hallway yelling "Vamanos! Vamanos! Rapido! Rapido!" She said nothing else besides repeating those two words, grabbed him by the hand and ran him up to my room. ) He asked how I was doing and I said, "Honey, I think the baby is about to come."  He rushed over to my side and held my hand as I tried to calmly breathe through my contraction.  I was trying hard not to push, but my body had taken over and I couldn't help it.  The pressure was incredible.  As my contraction passed, I opened my eyes to see Conor dressed in full scrubs, mask, and surgical hat smiling back at me, bursting with pride and telling me what a great job I was doing.  I smiled, another contraction started, and as Con rubbed my arm I was able to breathe out. Please. Don't. Touch. Me.  Con let go and deciding to make himself useful doing something else, started video taping.  Which led to him capturing 8 minutes of the most emotional video I have ever seen.  Dr. Guerra was the next to arrive and exclaimed, "Ok, Meghan, now you can push." Thank God.  My body pushed with all its strength and might and courage.  I was about to meet my baby! Three big, hard, intense pushes later and Elwood's head was out.  Next push came the rest of our perfect baby boy.  Elwood was placed on my belly and the feelings that rushed over me as I looked at my son were the best, most beautiful moments I have ever even come close to experiencing.  He was beautiful and healthy and crying.  I rubbed him and kissed him and cried; cried tears of joy, love, and peace.  Happy Birthday, my love.  Welcome, we have been waiting to love you.  

        Conor got to cut the cord, while impressively videoing himself.  The pediatrician attends the deliveries in Panama and she and Conor went over to the warmer and checked out our little man.  She declared him healthy and Conor declared him handsome as hell.  My heart was soaring, words cannot express how happy I was at that moment. 

        While Elwood was getting checked out, the nurses clucked and fussed about me, cleaning me up and with huge smiles telling me I was "muy fuerte" and whispering between each other "muy rapido, muy rapido."  All the ladies helping me were sweet and gentle and proud of me.  It is amazing what a birth brings out in other women.  I remember that feeling from my old job as a nurse.  The strength of a woman in labor is unparalleled.  It is our female bodies at their most basic instincts, our strength peaking as we complete our purpose on earth, bringing life into this world.  You cannot help feel a camaraderie and connection with other women during labor and birth.  We pull strength from each other and feel pride in one another.  It transcends barriers of language and culture, and the energy of it was all around me.  In Elwood's birth, nothing went as planned and everything was beautiful.

        Elwood was brought to our room after what seemed like an eternity of nurses checking him.  They reported him to be a sinewy 2.45kg and perfectly healthy in every way. We examined his little body, marveled at his perfect ten fingers and ten toes.  Kissed him, loved him, and let the surrealness wash over us.  We were holding our son. 

        To Elwood:  Over the next few days we slowly got to know you.  Although you weigh less than we thought you would, there is nothing small about you.  You have this inner togetherness, a strength, a quiet conscienceness.  You look around at this new world that surrounds you and you look as if you are observing and contemplating all the sites and sounds.  Our first impressions of you are that you are sweet and mellow, peaceful even.  You have a gentle spirit about you.  You are everything we hoped you would be when you arrived.  You are patient with us as we learn how to be your parents.  Our love for you is boundless.  We are so happy you are finally here.  We look forward to every new day we have with you.   

M.